Self-Portrait #36 - The Story So Far

by Luke Dylan Ramsey

1.1

IDK wut I’m doin anymore… had a good & productive day yesterday, however… maybe too many ads on this wavelength? – this whole & the following are 1 long interview w/ a mediocre man – manipulative – not me, I mean… listening back to a certain episode right now – the entire toxic relationship w/ reality concept in my newest novel – is it funny? – am I funny? – sorrowful – flippant – a lotta ads on these airwaves – & I mean a lotta pain –

1.2

a critique of the 60s & 70s – far more concise w/o me – hello, Bugonia (2025) – called in to work, I says I said, “I can’t come in,” ‘cause I can’t chance the car, see? – this world is a mess – paper is easy to burn – I don’t love myself enough – anachronistic & unyielding, I digress too much – banal, bb – turn away from thatself – I am liquid – I have deliquesced – I am only who I pretend to be – I am deeply insincere & short-fused – my main goal is to blow myself up, then act like I don’t know anybody else in heaven – I hesitate to say that… this would be correct – why am I so unhappy? – who I am a portion of, in the context of boredom & work? – I am honest – even if I am a tool – still forever slipping into the shackles of the future – satisfied for the moment, however – the future is already beginning – I am more unceasing – associating lonely w/ myself – often divisive if also cathartic – I should stop correcting myself – should instead be free –

1.3

just very interested I guess… but never invested – I cannot & I will not stop – fighting for you – manifesting psychic waves to drown & drown you – try as I may – I can’t escape myself – do I even want to? – nobody else can stand me – I am unearthed even when I hide the best – laconic, Luke hid—away the night, therefore on & on into our inhuman future – what is auto about fiction? – puerile & insolid, I am fictive enough to be a spy – a broad if cut up tomato of an outline – I do not lack style – never to linger or expound – where have I given in the most? Do I deserve to invert or incept? – can I? – will I? – I need an inroad to downward society – facing against the wind, this ain’t no working draft, this is everything, bb, this is the world – things such like that, yeah, bb, yeah – I am long, a real red peach of a guy – this is meat to render you insane – driven & driving you crazy – excellent, the best… however genius, you must stop –